Single like a pringle

A simple roadmap to appreciating your singleness 

I saw a post in the latter part of 2022 that read “be like say trumpet don sound, because why is everyone getting married.” I almost screamed when I saw the post because she literally read my mind! Between November and December of last year, there were weddings left, right, center. It’s cute when you’re scrolling through social media and seeing wedding pictures of people, but it begins to hit different when you look around and almost everyone but you is in a relationship. 

But here’s the thing. 

The moment you begin to compare yourself with others, you begin to have blurry lenses and you begin to desire things for the wrong reasons. Like wanting a relationship just so you can show off or not be left out, not because he or she is your God ordained spouse that will help you fulfil destiny. Or ignoring God’s leading to date that guy because he’s not exactly Mr Tall, dark and handsome and you are so worried about what people will think. Sounds familiar? 

Your journey is different. I know you have heard it a million times, but it’s true. You don’t compare masterpieces- there’s simply no point comparing two people going to different places. It’s like grading two different exams with the same answer keys. Yes you may be the same age, in the same school, but your paths and timings are different. This season of singleness is an opportunity to grow in real contentment and learn to appreciate your path. 

When God says wait, He knows what He is doing. You may think, “well if this relationship doesn’t go well, I’ll just try another one.” Sometimes, the injuries you get from trial and error will not let you try again later. Or ever. As a believer, you are too advantaged to be speculative. You literally have the all-knowing one living inside you. You can walk with clarity and precision. You can get it right in your first relationship, and even if you don’t get it right in your current relationship, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. This is probably the confirmation you need to end that relationship.

Some of us would rather date someone out of God’s will because of the fear that time is running out. We even date people because we like the idea of a relationship or marriage more than the person. The fastest way to the promise of God is through HIS path. Doing your own thing in your own time will only keep you going in circles. Wait for God and things will fall in place or do it your way and watch it fall apart.

Your life is not about you. Your decisions affect you, your purpose, family and future children. When you are choosing a spouse, you are also choosing a future parent for your kids. One thing I have learned is that waiting becomes easier when we understand the heart and character of the Father. The question is not whether or not God will give you a good spouse. He definitely will. There are beautiful things He wants to do in and through your marriage, so wait. 

While you wait, focus. Don’t just wait to wait, get busy with your purpose and vision. It is possible to be distracted by a blessing that is meant for a later season of your life. Imagine someone went for an interview and on getting to the office he was told to come back two days later. Then because he was so enthusiastic, he sat at the reception for two days simply staring at the office door waiting till it was time for the interview. When it was time, sadly he was exhausted and his breath absolutely stank after sitting there for two days. This is what many of us do. You know it’s not time for a relationship but you are distracted by it. This can range from indulging someone when you know you are not in a dating season or following every relationship page and screaming aww God when!  Even the  good things can be a distraction. 

I understand that there is a pre-relationship learning phase where you want to learn and get ready for a relationship, but it’s a different thing if you are categorically in that season of your life. If you know you are not in that season, then focus on other things God will have you do in this season of your life. Write your list in alignment to the will of God, then put it aside and focus on your purpose. If you are in the purpose of God, you will meet your spouse when its time. 

Stop following every couples page you see. Don’t jump on every relationship twitter space you see happening. Regulate your social media time. Preserve your focus and consciousness. I remember at one point I had to limit the time I spent watching the channel of a couple I loved because they would post content every other day and I spent my time consuming their content and screaming “God when.” I knew it was a distraction to me at that time. 

You don’t have to feel bad for putting even good things away to focus. I know sometimes it’s inevitable, but control what you can. To the best of your ability, avoid fruitless relationship arguments, or always resharing every relationship post. Invest in knowledge wisely, but don’t be distracted by a blessing meant for a later season. 

When you step into the fullness of Gods plan for you in a season, it will eventually create the overflow you need for the next season of your life. By simply focusing on what God will have you do in this season, God is preparing for the next season in ways that you will only understand in hindsight. He knows the things you need for the coming seasons. If you steward this season, you will see the harvest in the next. When it is eventually time, you will be fulfilled and there will be a peace and at-homeness you will have because you’d know that this is exactly where you are supposed to be and you are ready for it. To be honest, some of you reading this are single, not because God has not brought your partner, but because you are despising your blessing because it did not come in the way you expected. 

When next you are tempted to detest your singleness, remember that the timing and purpose of your life are according to the Father’s love. He is always. On. Time.